My Love Affair with Forums

I have long meant to write about the ins and outs and peculiar politics of writing forums. It was my sister who first told me about them and the stages they go through. First there is

Love at First Site

You encounter the forum for the first time. Where had it been all your life? You are soul-mates, lovers, you want to get married, have children. It's only been three days but hell, you've never felt like this before. You walk around in a dream. Noone in real life understands you. They don't care. You and your new forum can't take your eyes off each other, or at least off the keyboard.

Ok things are still pretty hot

You and your forum are still full of energy and excitement. It's the best thing ever. Your life will never be the same. You encourage everyone you know to join: friends, relations, complete strangers on the street.

You move in

Did you ever meet more supportive people? People who seem to care about your progress, with whom you can share the highs and lows? Real soul-mates who understand the unique tortures of the writing or submitting process? The relationship seems more level, grown-up, mature. You all know where you are headed and sit down together to draw up lists, share advice, plan for the future...

The cracks begin to show

The cracks begin to show. Small habits start to annoy you. People say the same old things, some have their own agendas, the same old conversations. Threads go round and round without end. Like a irritating partner, you find yourself irrationally irritated by the smallest of things: mentions of The Rules perhaps, someone correcting your grammar. Tiny things start flame-wars of ridiculous proportions. Everyone is being insensitive, unsupportive, uncaring of your aims. No one knows you at all! They don't care. How can they say that??? Again??? When they KNOW how you've been feeling lately...And then there is -

The Breakup

Groups and allegiances form, a huge fight comes out of nowhere like a twister, leading half the populace to be carried off in the whirlwind. Several people storm off in a huff. Scared of being left out you figure you better storm off too...

Having compared notes with other people,this pattern is pretty standard of every forum there is. It is an unavoidable process and perhaps is more about group dynamics and how they work than anything else. The love-ins and the explosions are all inevitable parts of the life-cycle of the forum beast itself.

And perhaps what I love about them most is the window on the ridiculous bloody-mindedness of human beings. Places where science fiction nuts will habitually invade romance to tell them why (factually and statistically) their genre is better. Where men may pretend to be women, where idealists and pragmatists slug it out under the heading "How do I write a Synopsis", the This is How it Ises and the Rebels will get together for a big ole barny about - oh I don't know - semi-colon use - just for the hell of it. (After all, it's no fun arguing with someone who agrees with you, is it?)

The Geek, a member of various vegan forums in his time, tells me the story of one totally overrun by vegan-hating meat-eaters running riot and attacking every thought of value a vegan might hold dear. Ironically, they were taken to task by another set of vegan-hating meat-eaters who started arguing with the first set about the factual accuracy of their statistical evidence. Of course, whilst they were all throwing lawyeristically graduated meat-eating arguments at each other, the vegans - whose forum it had been in the first place -  all slipped quietly out the back door.

I thought the Geek must be exaggerating about this, adding a bit of colour for dramatic effect. But he is a Geek after all. He doesn't know the meaning of the word "dramatic effect". Instead he showed me the site and 5 years after their original invasion, the meateaters were all still there, entrenched in a definition war about the exact meaning of organic milk production...Not a vegan to be seen.

Of course, the vegans had the right idea when they slipped off. For there are few things more embarrassing than storming off a forum. (And I should know, having farcically stormed off one particular forum a ridiculous number of times.) Particularly when you calm down and slink back trying to pretend that a couple of days before you weren't flouncing off, slamming the metaphorical door behind you. "Oh hello" you say, offering your views on plot structures and hoping no one will notice your low-key entrance as you slope in at the back and hang about with your hands in your pockets. What me? Storming off? Over, what was it again? Someone calling me a Literary Nazi, was it? Or was it low-brow populist commercial sell-out? Can't remember now. Ha! Hey I'm cool, man, cool. Anyone want to discuss synopsi? No? Oh well then...What about Science fiction versus Chicklit? (*Ducks for cover*). That's more like it!

Comments

[poppy]

Omigod, so, what, are there men pretending to be women, and vice versa. Wow. Who?

(loved that post, btw, specially the slinking back after the flouncing off bit - chortle)
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[The Mock Duckling]

Hey Pops. Ah well if you don't know...;)You know I don't think there are ever women pretending to be men. Maybe I should try it, start a new trend. Fit in well with the whole bearded thing.

[Simon Thomas]

So true... I've been in a reading group forum for four years, and it had one major major major kerfuffle, and lots of minor ones, BUT, like marriages, if you can weather the arguments and accept the diminishing of excitement, then there remains a core of affection and deeper-seated love... and that's the ones still around in the forum!

[The Mock Duckling]

Ah, that sounds like a good situation, Simon. I think you're right. Like marriages, forums go through their rough times and their smooth. But like any domestic, it's often the strangest trivial things that trigger them, whereas the bigger matters can be resolved easier. Strange beasts, forums.

[Emma Darwin]

Yes, strange beasts, and a lot of it is basic human group dynamics, with the full range of taking sides and taking offence and taking cover. It's more volatile online, though, I think, because emoticons are no substitute for facial expressions (how many different muscles does it take to show that you meant it ironically and are assuming your interlocutor can see the joke?)... Love the vegan story...

[amy appleton]

Oh, this is spot on! They are a hard habit to break. And, on balance, it's not one I actually want to break, as they are essential for this particular stay-at-home writer. But I think my productivity would be lots higher if they didn't exist.